So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
