mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
