Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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