"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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