I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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