the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize