went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize