he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
