haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think i got beer on your cat.
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