i need an iv and a liver transplant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
