pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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