I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
