i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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