OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
