There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
