Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
