my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
