When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
