hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
