You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
