I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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