considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
