You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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