Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
