I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
