i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
