He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize