I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
