just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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