After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
