Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
