I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
