hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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