Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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