THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
