take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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