FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
