i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
