the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she smelled like a LAN party
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
