8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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