I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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