haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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