omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
