You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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