wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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