12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
