Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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