I think I won the penis lottery.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
