Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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