never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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