I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
