So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
