I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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