Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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