The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
