while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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