So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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