bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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