Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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