Plan B is the new Plan A
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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