Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
