he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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