Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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