I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm too high and old for this...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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