If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
