Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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