She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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