i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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