party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
