Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
