I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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