Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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