so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
