Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
