A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
