Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
