the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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