Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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