Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
