let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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