Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
