btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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