Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
