i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You brought string cheese to the strip club
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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