Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
